


Feelings and Thoughts

by EffeI28



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Season 3 Finale, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:28:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24912355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EffeI28/pseuds/EffeI28
Summary: A quick and concise overview on Villanelle and Eve's story.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Kudos: 15





	Feelings and Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  
> I finished watching Killing Eve and after a while I just start writing this. I don't know what it is exactly, is not a proper ff, is not an alternative ending, is just random thoughts on the evolution Eve and Villanelle's relationship underwent throughout these three seasons. Random thoughts mainly belonging to Villanelle about what she felt with Eve and what happened between them. Oh and I apologize for any possible mistake, English is not my native language but I started writing in English and I thought I had to finish it this way.

She got out of the car and looked at me

She stepped away of the car and came to me

She exposed herself to me

She didn’t want me to kill myself

She screamed

I broke into her house, she run

I wanted dinner, she gave me her husband Shepard’s pie

I loved it

I threatened her with a knife

I smelled her

She was wearing my dress

She was wearing my perfume

She asked me to go with her, just me and her

She stole my passport

She left me a _Sorry baby_ note

She crashed my apartment 

She pointed me a gun 

She told me she thought about me all the time 

She told me she had never done anything like that before

She stabbed me

I was happy

I was hundred percent sure she liked me 

I wanted to go to her

I wanted to be close to her

I wanted to be with her

I was waiting for her but she didn’t show up 

_ **I was weak** _

I wanted the pain gone

_ **I wanted gone the idea that she had forgotten about me** _

She hired me to kill her

She wasn’t scared 

_ **She touched my cheek and I was burning up** _

_ **She looked at me and I was about to collapse** _

She took the pills without arguing 

She asked for my help

_**She was willing to give me whatever I wanted** _

She didn’t say a real _thank you_

She needed me

She was worried about me

She left me such embarrassing and cute messages 

I was in danger 

I said the safe word 

She came to save me

I was told to kill her 

_ **I killed who told me to** _

Then there were just us

I was in danger, again

I was dying 

She killed who was trying to kill me 

She used an axe

We run away 

I dreamed about Alaska

I dreamed about spaghetti for dinner 

I dreamed 

But she was upset

She wasn’t willing to do what I wanted 

_ **She wasn’t who I though she was** _

I told her _**she loved me** _

I told her _**I loved her**_

**I told her _she was mine_**

She let me down

She walked away from me 

I shot her

I got married 

I killed my wife 

I found out Eve was alive 

I wanted her to remember me 

_** I wanted her to never forget who I was  ** _

I hated her 

_ I should have shot her in the head  _

_ I should have shot her in the head and watched her die  _

**I never, truly, stopped thinking about her**

I met her on a bus

She hit me

She pushed me 

I stopped her 

I went top over her

I told her to smell me 

_**I wanted her to smell the power I always knew I had over her** _

She took me by surprise 

She kissed me

Her lips were on mine 

Her eyes open wide into mine 

Her breath was one with mine 

I was surprised 

I felt her soft lips on mine 

_ **I felt my defenses stumble** _

_ **I felt my walls crumble** _

She took my breath away 

She hit me on the head 

She kissed me

I sent her a birthday cake 

She didn’t look for me 

I came back home 

I found my family 

_**I found my mother** _

**_ I found her cold and ruthless darkness  _ **

I found her silence 

I found her hate

I thought I had to kill her 

I did it 

**_ After that, something inside me broke _ **

Something wasn’t the same anymore

_** I wasn't the same, anymore ** _

I was tired of all this 

I was just tired 

She looked for me 

She founded me on a train 

I waved at her 

I smiled at her 

She waved me back 

I called her 

I told her we should have stopped running into each other like that

She came for me

We met on the dance floor

We danced

I felt strange 

I felt her hair on my cheek 

I smelled her perfume

She though we could never get to be a happy old couple dancing 

We would consume each other before that

**_ I felt dizzy and happy because she thought about growing old with me _ **

She run 

I run after her 

I found her 

She told me she killed Dasha

I told her I killed her 

We found it romantic

Something only us could understand

She didn’t know who she was anymore 

She was scared 

She acknowledged my effect on her life

She wanted her life to get back as it was before

She knew that meant to have a life without me 

I told her she had never been who she thought she was 

I have monsters inside

She has monsters inside 

** Our monsters brought us together **

She thought about the future 

In her future, she could only see my face 

In my future, I could only see her face

But she was scared

She wanted me to help her to make it stop

I was surprised

I didn’t want to, but I knew I had to, for her

I told her to turn around and walk away from me 

_** We were supposed to walk away from each other  ** _

Like Orfeo and Euridice

Orfeo was so close to get his wife back, all he had to do was not to turn around 

But he did it 

He turn around and lost her forever

We were letting each other go

**_ I was letting her go, so that she could get back to me  _ **

I could get back to her

Everything I wanted 

Everything I needed 

I turned my back on her 

I felt my body touching her own 

My head touched hers

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath 

I could smell her 

Then I walked until there was space between us

I knew what I wanted 

I knew what she wanted

I knew what I WANTED but I was too scared to look

I didn’t want to be disappointed again 

I needed to know 

So I turned back 

She turned back 

I felt my heart beating faster 

So when she turned around and looked at me, I smiled 

_** Genuinely, for the first time in my life, I was truly happy  ** _

I was happy because Eve accepted me

She doesn’t see me as a weapon, an enemy, a psychopath

She’s way beyond that

She sees me as someone she can’t live without 

In my smile there was a promise for the future

An acknowledgment of each other importance in our lives

I couldn’t live without her, I knew when she stabbed me in Paris

I knew when she killed Raymond for me 

I knew when I shot her in Rome 

I knew when she kissed me on the bus

I turned and she was there

She was always gonna be there 

I smiled 

She looked at me 

And we walked away 

**_ We walked away knowing that now on that bridge we accepted each other _ **

**_ Knowing that as that bridge was walking each other away _ **

**_ It would lead us together again, no matter what. _ **


End file.
